because nothing sparks philosophical debate like keystone light

Guy on cell: So, there are a few points of Aristotelian philosophy I want to talk to you about.



(pause)



Guy on cell: Yeah, I'll pick up the keg.

@ outside the library
Taken by: anon
Filed Under Drinking | On the phone

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

they have a name for that type of business arrangement

Girl on cell: Yeah, I talked to these guys and they said they would look around for us.



(pause)



Girl on cell: Yeah, but I might have to hook up with one of them for them to actually do it.



(pause)



Girl on cell: I know, why does this always happen to us when we try to get IDs?

@ walking up the stairs to north campus
Taken by: amused
Filed Under On the phone

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Comments (3) | Speak Your Piece

she'll eventually be allowed to go on dates without a chaperone

do not know us, and we'll meet up inside.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Girl on cell: Here's what you're gonna do. Buy your ticket, come in the door, come straight through the lobby, act like you do not know us, and we'll meet up inside.

@ Carmike
Taken by: booze
Filed Under Carmike | On the phone | One-liners | Pwn!

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Comments (4) | Speak Your Piece

ah, sportsmanship

Football player on cell: Yeah man, I gave her herpes.



(pause)



Football player on cell: Nah, man, I'm not gonna tell her! She doesn't need to worry about that. She needs to be more worried about getting rid of that baby in her stomach.

@ north south bus
Taken by: Kat (199)
Filed Under Football | Hooking up | On the phone | The bus

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Comments (20) | Speak Your Piece

just in time for mother's day

(pause)



Sorostitute on Cell: No way, Mom! You're getting one? Can we get them together?' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Sorostitute on Cell: You know, I should tell him that I can't fill out my shirt so that he'll get me a boob job.



(pause)



Sorostitute on Cell: No way, Mom! You're getting one? Can we get them together?

@ SLC
Taken by: the water cooler
Caption by: kitten (105)
Filed Under On the phone | Wtf?

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Comments (5) | Speak Your Piece

a risky investment in this economy

(pause)



Drunk fratty on cell: Yeah, really going to hate myself in the morning. I'm broke. The only way it will be worth it is if that girl answers her phone.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Drunk fratty on cell: Man, I just spent $65 downtown tonight.



(pause)



Drunk fratty on cell: Yeah I'm going to hate myself in the morning.



(pause)



Drunk fratty on cell: Yeah, really going to hate myself in the morning. I'm broke. The only way it will be worth it is if that girl answers her phone.

@ On the Overnight bus
Taken by: the observer (60)
Filed Under Hooking up | On the phone | The bus

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Comments (12) | Speak Your Piece

and the dog is in jail

Woman on cell: I can't go anywhere. He got a DUI, so now my car's in the pound.

@ Walmart, Epps Bridge
Taken by: CantHelpButLaugh (157)
Filed Under Lost in translation | On the phone | One-liners

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Comments (24) | Speak Your Piece

sounds like that's how things are already

(pause)



Sorostitute on Cell: You know what I could do? I can make it so that you can see that we're in a relationship, but nobody else can!' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Sorostitute on Cell: Why do you want to make our relationship official on Facebook?



(pause)



Sorostitute on Cell: Wait, so you think I'm going to cheat on you if our relationship is not FBO?



(pause)



Sorostitute on Cell: You know what I could do? I can make it so that you can see that we're in a relationship, but nobody else can!

@ East-West Bus
Taken by: In An Open Relationship
Filed Under Facebook | On the phone | The bus

Link / Email This |

Comments (6) | Speak Your Piece

mommy just can't let go of her little girl

Girl on cell: Mom, oh my gosh, I told you... I'm not that girl anymore. I am not a slut anymore! Why can't you understand that?!

@ Bus Stop
Taken by: Nerd
Filed Under On the phone | One-liners

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Comments (6) | Speak Your Piece

and she probably pronounces it "expresso"

(pause)



Girl on cell: Oh, good! I think I'll get myself a mocha.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Girl on cell: Oh my God, I'm at a coffee shop but I don't really like coffee. Wait, does chocolate have any caffeine in it?



(pause)



Girl on cell: Oh, good! I think I'll get myself a mocha.

@ Jittery Joe's
Taken by: Trevor
Filed Under On the phone | Jittery Joe's | Dumbass

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Comments (3) | Speak Your Piece

that's how you know you spelled it right

high school girl 1: (Sending a text message) How do you spell "cocky?"



high school girl 2: C-O-C-Y.



high school girl 1: (types it) That looks like "cookie!"



high school girl 2: Yeah, it does.

@ big 10 tires
Taken by: amazed
Filed Under On the phone | Dumbass

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

technology brings people together

(pause)



Girl on cell: What do you mean I'm on speakerphone!?' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Girl on cell: Yes, Mom, I know. Just don't tell Dad I've been taking the pill. He'd fucking kill me.



(pause)



Girl on cell: What do you mean I'm on speakerphone!?

@ Tate Center
Taken by: Kate
Filed Under Hooking up | On the phone

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

mother knows best

Guy on cell: Yeah, man, I have a date lined up for every day next week. Oh, yeah, well, I already know she's gonna dump me Friday, and I can't do anything about it. Yeah, her friend told me. Well, I was tellin' my mom about it, and she said, "You're in Athens, though! There are way more girls than guys there, and they're all easy! You should just go out and get laid as much as possible, by lots of girls!" So I'm gonna do that.

@ Milledge Bus
Taken by: Nick
Filed Under Hooking up | On the phone | One-liners | The bus

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Comments (9) | Speak Your Piece

looks like the ventriloquism classes are going well

Guy: I give hugs for free!



Girl 1: (loudly) Well I give sexual favors for hugs!



Girl 2: (at next table) What? No, Mom! That wasn't me talking!

@ Snelling
Taken by: Snoopy
Filed Under On the phone | Dining hall

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

is that pass / fail?

Patron: I would like to register.



WatchDawg: What are you registering for?



Patron: A ride home.

@ DawgPound Phone Room
Taken by: WatchDawgs, Inc.
Filed Under Dumbass | On the phone
Provided courtesy of WatchDawgs, Inc.

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Comments (13) | Speak Your Piece

the ties that bind

Guy on cell: Hey grandma! I'm about to go to work but I'm filling out info for student loans for when I go to Spain. I need two references and I used mom as the first, and you're next in line, so.... okay, great! How do you spell your first name? S-U-S-A-N. And what's your middle name?

@ Tate
Taken by: Nikki
Filed Under On the phone | One-liners

Link / Email This |

Comments (13) | Speak Your Piece

this is why god gave us ebay

Cashier: (on phone) Yeah, uh huh... sure, sure. Let me place you on hold for just a second, sir, while I go look.



(presses button on phone)



Cashier: (screaming) Hey! This perv wants to know if we have any inflatable male sex dolls! Do we?



Guy on Phone: Um, you put me on speaker phone, not hold. (click)

@ Junkman's
Taken by: Chief
Filed Under At work | On the phone | Pwn!

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Comments (3) | Speak Your Piece

this is not a test... i repeat, this is not a test

WatchDawgs guy fielding a call: I'm not a recording... really... you can talk directly to me.

@ WatchDawgs Phone Room
Taken by: WatchDawgs, Inc.
Filed Under At work | On the phone | One-liners
Provided courtesy of WatchDawgs, Inc.

Link / Email This |

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

never trust anyone who can make marzipan from scratch

Girl on Cell: I made some marzipan from scratch yesterday. My roommate said it tasted good, but I think she only flatters me because she's convinced I'd kill her in sleep otherwise. Not like I would. Everyone would think it was me anyway 'cause I'm black. Or crazy. Whateves.

@ Chemistry
Taken by: Kenny
Filed Under On the phone | One-liners

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Comments (4) | Speak Your Piece

it certainly gets around

Kid on cell: So is this weed skank, or what?

@ Science Concourse
Taken by: None
Filed Under Drugs | Dumbass | On the phone | One-liners

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

would you like to make it a fatty?

(Guy is talking on his cell phone standing in line ordering a wrap)



Guy on cell: Yeah, lemme get some cheese. Yeah dude, alright. So he only sells dimes and quarters, but it's real cheap. And some jalapeños. Okay, that's straight. We'll chill later. Just go buy some.

@ Snelling
Taken by: Nerd (30)
Filed Under Dining hall | Drugs | On the phone | One-liners

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Comments (2) | Speak Your Piece

isn't "mogwai" gaelic for "vajay jay"?

Excited guy on cell: (ordering a PBR while trying to convince his buddy to head on down to the rock show and scope some tail) There is Vajay Jay a-plenty here, don't be a McStupid and get your ass down here.

@ Variety Playhouse, waiting to buy beer at the side bar during Mogwai's show
Taken by: Beau
Filed Under On the phone | One-liners | Wtf?

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Comments (2) | Speak Your Piece

put down the freud and back away

Sorostitute on cell: So, I'm gonna sleep with him in Daddy's bed. Wait, Daddy's gonna be home this weekend.

@ Sanford @ SLC
Taken by: Dude
Filed Under Ew. | Hooking up | On the phone | One-liners

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

after a certain point you should just let them go

Hungover Sorostitute on cell: Hey, is this SandBar? Okay, did you find any panties in the women's bathroom last night?

@ Riverbend Club
Taken by: Krunch
Filed Under Downtown | On the phone | One-liners

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

i see london, i see france

Girl on cell: (entering crowded elevator) And then he looked at me and said, "Nice panties." I was like, "Ugh, you have a wife. I could get you fired."

@ SLC
Taken by: Sammi (338)
Filed Under One-liners | On the phone | Elevator

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

oh, that one!

Girl on cell: Yeah, we're right by the frat house... the one with the white columns.

@ Lumpkin Street
Taken by: in disbelief
Filed Under Dumbass | Greek Life | On the phone | One-liners

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

there may be better options for getting your abdominal workout

Sorostitute on cell: Yeah, we took a bunch of pledges out last night. They were throwing up in the frat house, they were throwing up on the floor, they were throwing up on the elevator...



(pauses)



Sorostitute: Yeah, it was really fun.

@ Milledge bus stop
Taken by: Anon
Filed Under Ew. | Greek Life | On the phone

Link / Email This |

Comments (1) | Speak Your Piece

wait... we are talking about facebook, right?

(While waiting at the Georgia Center bus stop)



Guy on cell: Dude! You've been poking her all day? That means she's been poking you back!

@ Bus stop
Taken by: Kayph
Filed Under Facebook | On the phone | One-liners

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

college is about making the effort to go to class

(Fratty leaves the bathroom stumbling through the door on the way out)



Fratty: Thanks man, guess I'll head to calculus now.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
(Fratty stumbles into a bathroom stall in the Chemistry building on the first day of class)



Fratty: (on phone) Dude, can you drag your butt out of bed and check my Oasis to see if I have a class right now? I'm really drunk and I can't remember.



(Fratty leaves the bathroom stumbling through the door on the way out)



Fratty: Thanks man, guess I'll head to calculus now.

@ Chemistry
Taken by: al
Filed Under Drinking | On the phone

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

depends if the wifi can reach that far

Sorostitute on cell: I want to study abroad, but, well... I just don't know. Do you think they'll have international Internet?

@ East-West Bus
Taken by: LC
Filed Under Dumbass | On the phone | One-liners | The bus

Link / Email This |

Comments (5) | Speak Your Piece

only because she refuses to sleep with you

Guy on cell: And you know what, dude? I don't even think of her as as a stripper, I just think of her as this really hot girl I get to hang out with.

@ Rivermill Apartments
Taken by: Sj
Filed Under On the phone | One-liners

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

ironically, his second album is titled "exclusive"

(pause)



Girl on cell: Don't yell at me!



(pause)



Girl on cell: Well, what if it was Chris Brown?



(pause)



Girl on cell: No, its not.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Girl on cell: Look baby, if we just break up for one day it won't be cheating



(pause)



Girl on cell: Don't yell at me!



(pause)



Girl on cell: Well, what if it was Chris Brown?



(pause)



Girl on cell: No, its not.

@ Tate
Taken by: J
Filed Under Hooking up | On the phone

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

those are not mutually exclusive

Woman: (in dressing room on cell) I think this is too small... well, either my titties are too big or this is too small.

@ TJ Maxx Dressing Room
Taken by: Still Laughing
Filed Under On the phone | One-liners

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

somehow i don't think she'll be the only one

Sorostitute on cell: Hey, are you going to the party tonight?



(pause)



Sorostitute on cell: Awesome, look for me. I'll be the one on the floor.

@ orbit
Taken by: anonymous
Filed Under The bus | On the phone

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

it's always good to diversify your client base

Cashier: (on phone) Why yes, we do have pink chiffon for homosexuals!

@ Herey's
Taken by: carolinablonde (105)
Filed Under At work | On the phone | One-liners

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

viagra vs. steroids, round 1, ding!

Guy on cell: Don't fuck with me! I'm harder than your strongest erection!

@ Tate plaza
Taken by: Sammi (338)
Caption by: Not a Chief, Just an Indian (40)
Filed Under Ew. | On the phone | One-liners

Link / Email This |

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

too bad beer goggles don't come with a beer muzzle

(surrounding group cheers for him)



Guy on cell: She's the hottest girl I've ever made out with! We've been all over each other at the Winery. Her tongue was down my throat! I really hope she wants to see me again because she said, "I want to see you again." She had a hot body dude, but even her mind was hot because she could like stop kissing me and we'd look at each other and I could just tell her mind is totally hot!' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Guy on cell: Dude, I've been making out with the hottest girl all night!



(surrounding group cheers for him)



Guy on cell: She's the hottest girl I've ever made out with! We've been all over each other at the Winery. Her tongue was down my throat! I really hope she wants to see me again because she said, "I want to see you again." She had a hot body dude, but even her mind was hot because she could like stop kissing me and we'd look at each other and I could just tell her mind is totally hot!

@ At the crosswalk on Broadstreet by the Winery
Taken by: mRa
Filed Under Hooking up | On the phone

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

it's been even longer since she paused to breathe

Sorostitute: I really want a muffin because they are so good. But I was on the phone with Momma one time in line here and I told her I was about to get a muffin. She said, "you know what happens to girls who eat muffins right? they get muffin tops." Then I looked over and this, like, huge girl was eating a muffin. So I was like, oh my gosh she's right. I haven't had a muffin in like six months.

@ jittery joes slc
Taken by: anon
Filed Under On the phone | One-liners | SLC

Link / Email This |

Comments (7) | Speak Your Piece

and where the hell did i put that map?

(pause)



Drunk Girl on cell: No, I'm walking into Molly O' Sheas right now. Okay, now I'm walking to Sandbar. Yes, see you in a minute.



(She walks towards Russell)



Drunk Girl on cell:I think, wait, now I'm at sandbar. Help!' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
(Drunk Girl is walking around Russell Hall, talking on cell phone)



Drunk Girl on cell: I'm dying! I'm dying!



(pause)



Drunk Girl on cell: No, I'm walking into Molly O' Sheas right now. Okay, now I'm walking to Sandbar. Yes, see you in a minute.



(She walks towards Russell)



Drunk Girl on cell:I think, wait, now I'm at sandbar. Help!

@ Russell Hall
Taken by: awkward starfish
Filed Under Dorm life | Drinking | Lost in translation | On the phone

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

don't ask, don't tell, please don't take my class again

(pause)



Guy on cell: Yeah, I wore really short soccer shorts and unbuttoned my shirt to show off my pecs.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Guy on cell: Yeah, I got a D in Chemistry.



(pause)



Guy on cell: It's totally awesome because I was failing... I mean, I had a 40 in the class but I totally flirted with the professor and he passed me!



(pause)



Guy on cell: Yeah, I wore really short soccer shorts and unbuttoned my shirt to show off my pecs.

@ Orbit bus
Taken by: linor
Filed Under Gay | On the phone | The bus

Link / Email This |

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

the thirteenth step is always the hardest

(pause)



Guy on cell: I told you how bad it was when I got my last DUI!



(pause)



Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm gettin' the beer. I'll be there in a few minutes.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
(Guy is talking on his cell phone, wearing a Coors Light shirt and hip waders)



Guy on cell: How the hell did you get there?



(pause)



Guy on cell: You've got a drinkin' problem!



(pause)



Guy on cell: I told you how bad it was when I got my last DUI!



(pause)



Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm gettin' the beer. I'll be there in a few minutes.

@ Lexington Rd. Wal-Mart
Taken by: The Great American
Filed Under Wtf? | On the phone | Drinking

Link / Email This |

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

the girls on the bus go round and round

(pause)



Girl on phone: (whispering) I can't! I'm on the bus.



(pause)



Girl on phone: (getting louder) I told you! I'm on the bus... I can't!



(pause)



Girl on phone: Why do you always have to talk about it?



(pause)



Girl on phone: (yelling) I was screaming, wasn't I? What more do you want?



(She hangs up and runs off the bus)



Guy: Let me off, I need her number!' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Girl on phone: Hey... I'm good.



(pause)



Girl on phone: (whispering) I can't! I'm on the bus.



(pause)



Girl on phone: (getting louder) I told you! I'm on the bus... I can't!



(pause)



Girl on phone: Why do you always have to talk about it?



(pause)



Girl on phone: (yelling) I was screaming, wasn't I? What more do you want?



(She hangs up and runs off the bus)



Guy: Let me off, I need her number!

@ ECX Bus
Taken by: drivingincircles (30)
Filed Under Hooking up | On the phone | The bus

Link / Email This |

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

parents have their homework, too

(pause)



Girl on Cell: No, not the bar. The UGA library. Wait, why do you know about the bar called The Library?' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Girl on Cell: I'm going to the library, mom.



(pause)



Girl on Cell: No, not the bar. The UGA library. Wait, why do you know about the bar called The Library?

@ Outside the UGA library
Taken by: Kat (199)
Filed Under Drinking | On the phone | Pwn!

Link / Email This |

Comments (4) | Speak Your Piece

in a galaxy far far away, fratties invade geekdom

Fratty 3: Yeah, it is.



Fratty 2: Wow! He's ballin'!' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Fratty 1: (answers cell phone) Hey Obi-Wan!



Fratty 2: Isn't that a Star Wars reference?



Fratty 3: Yeah, it is.



Fratty 2: Wow! He's ballin'!

@ Orbit bus
Taken by: anon
Filed Under Greek Life | Nerd | On the phone

Link / Email This |

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

good, now that we're agreed...

(pause)



Girl On Cell: No, no, no. Fuck that and fuck you!



Guy: (yelling audibly through the phone) That's what I'm asking you to do!' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Girl On Cell: What!? I haven't heard from you in two weeks and you call to tell me you want me to have your babies!?



(pause)



Girl On Cell: No, no, no. Fuck that and fuck you!



Guy: (yelling audibly through the phone) That's what I'm asking you to do!

@ downtown streets
Taken by: embarassed_for_her
Filed Under Hooking up | On the phone | Wtf?

Link / Email This |

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

college is about managing your extra-curricular activities

Girl on Cell: You would think she would learn to not be such a slut, I mean she's had like three abortions, she can't have any more!

@ Lumpkin St.
Taken by: J-breezy
Filed Under Hooking up | On the phone | One-liners | Wtf?

Link / Email This |

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

"...are we still on for that self-help seminar?"

(Pause)



Guy on Cell: Yeah, my roommate gets back from rehab today.



(Pause)



Guy on Cell: Good luck with that whole abortion thing. What are you doing this weekend?' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Guy on Cell: Well, I don't like police 'cause my ex-girl left me for a cop.



(Pause)



Guy on Cell: Yeah, my roommate gets back from rehab today.



(Pause)



Guy on Cell: Good luck with that whole abortion thing. What are you doing this weekend?

@ Myers
Taken by: Mac
Filed Under On the phone | Wtf?

Link / Email This |

Comments (4) | Speak Your Piece

in court, a text message is called "evidence"

Guy: What?



Girl: Yeah, why does he want to take me on a roof anyway?' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Girl: I'm text flirting with this guy and he said he wants to roofie me.



Guy: What?



Girl: Yeah, why does he want to take me on a roof anyway?

@ Orbit bus
Taken by: Too cool
Filed Under Hooking up | On the phone

Link / Email This |

Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

which, by the way, is a great place to talk on the phone

Voice From Stall: That's cause you're in a bathroom, dumbass.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Girl on Cell: I couldn't believe he did that... ew, I just heard someone peeing!



Voice From Stall: That's cause you're in a bathroom, dumbass.

@ SLC
Taken by: anon
Filed Under Dumbass | On the phone | SLC

Link / Email This |

Comments (2) | Speak Your Piece

which must mean he's a shitty boyfriend

Guy on Cell: Yeah, I finally found out what happened to my boxers the other night when Katie and I got naked at her apartment. She called me the next day and said her cat had buried them in its litter box.

@ SLC
Taken by: Snoopy
Filed Under Hooking up | On the phone | SLC

Link / Email This |

Comments (1) | Speak Your Piece

he'll think it's funny in two months when his heart rate slows back down

(pause)



Guy on Cell: What?! April fools?! April Fuckin' Fools?! You don't use pregnancy as an April Fuckin' Fool's Day joke!



(pause)



Guy on Cell: Hell, no it's not funny!



(pause)



Guy on Cell: Oh yeah? Well, you can laugh your little ass off alone tonight!



(Guy hangs up and his phone repeatedly rings, playing "Big Poppa" by Notorious B.I.G.)' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Guy on Cell: Yes... yes... I fuckin' said I used one, I use one every time, why don't you ever listen?



(pause)



Guy on Cell: What?! April fools?! April Fuckin' Fools?! You don't use pregnancy as an April Fuckin' Fool's Day joke!



(pause)



Guy on Cell: Hell, no it's not funny!



(pause)



Guy on Cell: Oh yeah? Well, you can laugh your little ass off alone tonight!



(Guy hangs up and his phone repeatedly rings, playing "Big Poppa" by Notorious B.I.G.)

@ Myers Bus Stop
Taken by: WTFMate
Filed Under Hooking up | On the phone | Pwn!

Link / Email This |

Comments (1) | Speak Your Piece

this moment brought to you by hallmark

Sorostitute on Cell: So, I just went out and bought one of those singing cards. Yeah the ones where a song plays when it opens. Anyways, when he sees it I hope he forgives me for sleeping with that guy from last night, 'cause like, I really think I love him.

@ Raising Canes
Taken by: hmmm...
Caption by: marajade (131)
Filed Under Hooking up | On the phone | One-liners | Greek Life

Link / Email This |

Comments (1) | Speak Your Piece

that would explain the lack of appetite

Girl on Cell: So all I had for lunch was some Coke and a couple of Milky Way eggs that you gave me in the Easter basket.



(pause)



Girl on Cell: No mom, not cocaine. Coca Cola. I can't afford weed, much less cocaine.

@ Park Hall
Taken by: That Chick
Filed Under Drugs | Lost in translation | On the phone

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece

let she who is without ugly cast the first stone

Girl on Cell: So I was walking downtown and there was a group of high school kids visiting. This one girl's face was so fuckin' ugly. Like, it was fugly. Like, you would look at her and go, "Is that your face?" Like, it was disgusting. Like, God himself would be ashamed of her ugly. I can't even believe that they let that kind of ugly walk down the street. But yeah, I'll be at church tomorrow, Granpa. Love ya!

@ downtown
Taken by: Anne
Filed Under Downtown | On the phone | One-liners | Pwn!

Link / Email This |

Comments (3) | Speak Your Piece

como se dice "dumbass?"

Businessman on cell: What do you call 2 mex... (pauses and looks around) ...icans playing basketball?



(pause)



Businessman: Juan on Juan!

@ Northbound MARTA Train
Taken by: sitting bull
Filed Under MARTA | On the phone

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can't wait to hear this one

Girl: Oh my god, I went to the gyno this morning, and the funniest thing happened... (begins to laugh uncontrollably) I'm sorry, give me a second.

@ Cutters
Taken by: Yeahyeahyeah
Filed Under One-liners | On the phone | Ew.

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too late

Sorostitute on cell: Hey! My lucky red thong came through for me! He actually wanted to... hey, let me call you back... I think some people here are listening and I don't want this all over the Internet.

@ SLC
Taken by: Snoopy
Filed Under SLC | On the phone | One-liners

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or to take you for a ride on his spaceship

Guy on cell: Yeah, if you see him tell him to call his mom because a bum found his cell phone in a parking lot. Yeah he's probably going to want money or beer.

@ Orbit
Taken by: J
Filed Under Bum | On the phone

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for the phone or the kid?

Professor: Aaargggh!



(Student quickly shuts off phone)



Professor: I need a hammer.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
(Student's phone rings loudly in lecture)



Professor: Aaargggh!



(Student quickly shuts off phone)



Professor: I need a hammer.

@ SLC
Taken by: Ape.
Filed Under In class | On the phone

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i have to keep my alcohol tolerance down

Sorostitute on cell: Yeah... I was so hungry in class I started dry heaving. I know! I think I'm going to go home and eat half a bowl of soup.

@ Orbit Bus
Taken by: anonymous
Filed Under On the phone | Ew.

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"...i might be here a while"

Girl on cell: I'm at the CLC... the Student Learning Center.

@ CLC
Taken by: anonymous
Filed Under One-liners | On the phone | Dumbass | SLC

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multitasking at its classiest

(pause)



Guy on cell: I got my phone in one hand and my dick in the other.



(pause)



Guy on cell: I wasn't trying to smart-mouth you.



(pause)



Guy on cell: You asked what I was doing and I was a tellin' ya!' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Guy on cell: What am I doing right now? I'm peeing.



(pause)



Guy on cell: I got my phone in one hand and my dick in the other.



(pause)



Guy on cell: I wasn't trying to smart-mouth you.



(pause)



Guy on cell: You asked what I was doing and I was a tellin' ya!

@ La Hacienda restroom
Taken by: Sgt. Ed Rock
Filed Under Ew. | On the phone | Pwn!

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i think the unicorn stickers give it that extra something

Sorostitute on cell: Yeah, who wants to make a resume? It's so hard, and I don't want anyone to see it. I mean, I like mine, but only because it's pretty like with the italics and the cursive font.

@ SLC 4th floor vending area
Taken by: Brian H
Filed Under On the phone | One-liners

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i want a longer christmas break too, but...

Guy on cell: Hey



(pause)



Guy on cell: Oh, that.



(pause)



Guy on cell: Well, we got off pretty easy, actually.



(pause)



Guy on cell: Yeah, we're allowed to finish this semester but then we can't come back to take classes until next fall.

@ North-South Bus
Taken by: anonymous
Filed Under On the phone | Pwn!

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that is totally peer pressure... but genius!

Sorostitute 3: You should totally answer and totally fuck him tonight.



Sorostitute 2: Yeah... I probably will.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Sorostitute 1: Who keeps calling you?



Sorostitute 2: This guy I am kind of seeing. I don't really know if I want to see him anymore, though.



Sorostitute 3: You should totally answer and totally fuck him tonight.



Sorostitute 2: Yeah... I probably will.

@ Bar Bathroom
Taken by: anonymous
Filed Under Hooking up | On the phone | Greek Life

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oh, sisterhood

(pause)



Sorostitute on cell: So, where is your girlfriend's house?' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Sorostitute on cell: Yeah, I am so glad you are visiting this weekend!



(pause)



Sorostitute on cell: No boys allowed in the house.



(pause)



Sorostitute on cell: Yeah, Sunday works. I guess she'll be at church, so that gives us 2 hours?



(pause)



Sorostitute on cell: So, where is your girlfriend's house?

@ Sorority House
Taken by: HUH?
Filed Under Hooking up | Pwn! | On the phone | Greek Life

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redefining hard earned money

(pause)



Sorostitute on cell: Yeah, I remembered to pay rent, mom. Love you too!

' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Sorostitute on cell: That stupid dick! I can't believe he called you a whore just because you used to be an escort. I mean everyone has sex, I think if more people got money plus sex the world would be a happier place.



(pause)



Sorostitute on cell: Yeah, I remembered to pay rent, mom. Love you too!

@ Jittery Joes
Taken by: c
Filed Under Greek Life | On the phone | Hooking up | Ew.

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because the olive garden is black tie only

(pause)



Girl on cell: Oh, well, that's true... I mean, it's not like you are going to the Olive Garden or anything.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Girl on cell: You're wearing what? Overalls? Honey, you can't wear overalls to dinner with your family!



(pause)



Girl on cell: Oh, well, that's true... I mean, it's not like you are going to the Olive Garden or anything.

@ my car
Taken by: Kate
Filed Under Welcome to the south | On the phone | Lost in translation

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college is about learning by example

(pause)



Drunk guy on cell: Yeah dude I'm right here, where I'm at... just keep walking around till you find me.



(pause)



Drunk guy on cell: Fuck no, I'm not walking outside to see the name... I saw some chick get a ticket for that.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Drunk guy on cell: Dude, they have pitchers of booze here for like 8 bucks.



(pause)



Drunk guy on cell: No, I don't know where the fuck I'm at. (yells) Does anyone know where I am?



(pause)



Drunk guy on cell: Yeah dude I'm right here, where I'm at... just keep walking around till you find me.



(pause)



Drunk guy on cell: Fuck no, I'm not walking outside to see the name... I saw some chick get a ticket for that.

@ Molly O'Sheas
Taken by: Anonymous
Filed Under Downtown | Drinking | Dumbass | On the phone | Lost in translation

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it's clearly not an exact science

Drunk guy on cell: I think I just peed on myself. I'm not gonna know until I get home and smell it, but I whipped my dick out and I think it sprayed the wrong way.

@ Downtown
Taken by: anonymous
Filed Under Wtf? | On the phone | Ew.

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how to succeed in business

Gay dude on cell: If you don't feed me, fuck me, or finace me you are not going to tell me what to do.

@ Detour
Taken by: Claude
Filed Under Gay | Downtown | On the phone | Pwn!

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wet dreams

Guy on cell: Yeah, I got so hammered that they had to carry me out of the bar. And apparently I wet myself, like all in my bed. Which sucks because now I have to wash my sheets.



(pause)



Guy on cell: No, only when I'm really shit-faced.

@ SLC
Taken by: a_nony_mouse
Filed Under Ew. | Drinking | On the phone

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a good old fashioned snipe hunt

Girl on cell: (looking at bottled water) Yeah, I'm looking, but I can't find any diet club soda.

@ Kroger
Taken by: valley
Filed Under One-liners | Dumbass | On the phone

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real men separate their own colors and whites

(pause)



Freshman: Yeah, I'll be home this weekend. I'm bringing my clothes, so you can wash them for me.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Freshman: (on cell) I just think it's fucking funny how you and Dad still treat me like I'm a kid. I'm 18 years old!



(pause)



Freshman: Yeah, I'll be home this weekend. I'm bringing my clothes, so you can wash them for me.

@ North Campus
Taken by: Lisa
Filed Under Wtf? | On the phone

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vampires get stuck with all of the extra fees

Bookstore employee: I have a professor on the phone who wants to know if we can ship him the graduation regalia.



Manager: Where is he?



Employee: At his office in the Chemisty building.



Manager: Tell him he'll have to pay the overnight shipping fee if he wants it for graduation, otherwise he's going to have to come out into real world and get it himself.

@ UGA Bookstore
Taken by: Pagemaster
Filed Under Dumbass | On the phone

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she's the one sitting in the middle of the floor

On cashier's walkie-talkie: Attention Target associates. We have a guest that has lost her walking cane in the store. Please be on the lookout for a walking cane.

@ Target
Taken by: anonymous
Filed Under Wtf? | Pwn! | On the phone | One-liners

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i'm really trying to go places... like toppers, for example

(9pm during finals)



Sorostitute on cell: I mean, finals are really such a good opportunity. During the year, I have all these, you know, like, ambitions. But there's all these socials. But during finals, I can really fulfill my ambitions. Like, I studied for two hours tonight!

@ slc
Taken by: pink
Filed Under One-liners | On the phone | Dumbass | Greek Life

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stop yelling, dad!

Fratty on cell: (yelling) You told me you were on birth control! That's why I didn't use a condom!

@ Outside Walkers
Taken by: Sammers
Filed Under On the phone | Downtown | Greek Life

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proof that guys can fake it, too

Drunk guy: (yelling into cell) Do not bother with the test! You are not pregnant. I did not ejaculate that night!

@ on the way from arch bar to the grill
Taken by: anonymous
Filed Under Ew. | One-liners | On the phone | Drinking

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her name must be simile

Girl on phone: So like, in class it's like, no one will like, say anything like, smart, you know?

@ bolton
Taken by: incredulous
Filed Under On the phone | Dining hall

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when I was 5, I wanted to be rambo

Employee: Ma'am, I cant tell you how much tuition is going to be in 15 years!



Grandmother: Well, can you tell me who his advisor will be so I can just ask them?

' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Grandmother on phone: My grandson wants to be a vet so I would like to know how much tuition is. He's five years old.



Employee: Ma'am, I cant tell you how much tuition is going to be in 15 years!



Grandmother: Well, can you tell me who his advisor will be so I can just ask them?

@ UGA Tuition Office
Taken by: anonymous
Filed Under Dumbass | On the phone

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the two day work week: secret of the american dream

Girl on cell: My parents think I party too much, but I don't. I only go out like, three times during the week, and not on Monday or Tuesday.

@ east campus bus stop
Taken by: Alice
Filed Under On the phone | Drinking

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sometimes you just have to humor them

Girl on phone, interrupted: Gah! Stupid freshman! I know your penis is small, you don't have to honk the horn of your big ass SUV to prove it to me!

@ Lumpkin
Taken by: tickled
Filed Under On the phone | Ew.

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something tells me this wasn't in the dr. spock parenting book

Girl on cell: I don't see sleeping with her boyfriend as a bad thing. He said he didn't even like her anyways, so whatever, let people call me a slut. Ok mom, I love you too.

@ Outside Brumby
Taken by: Not the boyfriend
Filed Under Dorm life | On the phone

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what would freud say?

Girl on cell: It's the building behind Adderall Hall.

@ Life Sciences Complex
Taken by: Biochem Student
Filed Under Dumbass | On the phone

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oh, the irony

Girl on cell: (really loudly) Have you ever realized like how many people are walking around campus on their cell phones? Yeah, I think people must be afraid to be alone with themselves.

@ milledge bus
Taken by: annoyed passenger
Filed Under Dumbass | On the phone | The bus

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i love you too, honey

(pause)



Girl on cell: Oh, hi mom. My Caller ID's messed up.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Girl on cell: Hello?



(paus