Quotes Filed Under "Facebook"


i knew this girl once who poked the entire football team

21 [+ / -]     Apr 19, 2010

    Girl: so girls just Facebook message you and say they will sleep with you.



    Athlete: Well, yeah, basically, but not as many at this school.

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bro 1 likes this

-5 [+ / -]     Apr 12, 2010

    Bro 1: Man, the healthcare system is more fucked up than March Madness.



    Bro 2: Dude! That was my status yesterday!

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if it's on the internet, it must be true

28 [+ / -]     Jan 06, 2010

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everything i need to know i learned in college

49 [+ / -]     Oct 08, 2009

    Guy 1: Do you know anything about time management?



    Guy 2: I am on Facebook, of course I don't know anything about time management.

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sounds like that's how things are already

81 [+ / -]     Mar 30, 2009

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he's the worst stalker ever

-57 [+ / -]     Dec 21, 2008

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that's the last time i sign up for a class with dr. dre

15 [+ / -]     Dec 08, 2008

    (Professor is taking about a quiz application on Facebook)



    Professor: Some of you will find that you might be higher than how high you think you are.



    (laughter)



    Professor: I meant the results on the quiz!

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wait... we are talking about facebook, right?

17 [+ / -]     Aug 25, 2008

    (While waiting at the Georgia Center bus stop)



    Guy on cell: Dude! You've been poking her all day? That means she's been poking you back!

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click here to add the horrible in bed application

140 [+ / -]     Aug 18, 2008

    Guy: Man, I was drunk as shit last night. Dude, I hooked up with a freshman. I don't think she liked it though, I tried to friend her on Facebook and she blocked me.

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click here to add the fuckbuddies application

274 [+ / -]     Jul 16, 2008

    (Two girls are looking at Facebook)



    Girl 1: I dunno... Should I add him as a friend?



    Girl 2: Yeah dude, totally. Look, you have two friends in common, that means you're acquaintances. Also, you slept with him.

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click here to add the taxi driver application

155 [+ / -]     Jun 16, 2008

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"...happy mother's day! now do my laundry."

13 [+ / -]     May 11, 2008

    This was seen on the facebook ad board. So yeah, go buy your mom flowers WITH HER MONEY. Way to go FTD.

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just start poking her... maybe she'll get the hint

55 [+ / -]     May 05, 2008

    Fratty: Do you think I have a chance?



    Girl: Just because you're her friend on Facebook doesn't mean she'll sleep with you.

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click here to add "soul mates" to your profile

101 [+ / -]     Mar 05, 2008

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my college counselor never mentioned that option

-51 [+ / -]     Feb 26, 2008

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it's s small town and all, but still...

159 [+ / -]     Jan 25, 2008

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i have it on good authority from a P.I. - public internet

-4 [+ / -]     Jan 21, 2008

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there's an appropriate level of response for everything

46 [+ / -]     Dec 24, 2007




    Sorostitute 1: Yea, I guess that makes sense.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
    Sorostitute 1: Yeah, I thought she was dating him but she was really just sleeping with him. Then, we found out he was sleeping with some other girl, so we both wrote all this stuff on his Facebook profile, but he deleted it... then she totally defriended him!



    Sorostitute 2: Wow! When I was mad at Deanna I just removed her from my top friends - I didn't totally defriend her.



    Sorostitute 1: Yea, I guess that makes sense.

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because she's not getting poked enough already

85 [+ / -]     Dec 11, 2007

    (Sorostitute sees her boyfriend with another girl at a bar)



    Sorostitute: Who's that slut? I'm going to kill her! Actually I'll probably just Facebook friend her.

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that's practically a wedding

179 [+ / -]     Dec 07, 2007

    Sorostitute: She's so wrong, I'm no slut. I wouldn't sleep with anyone until we were Facebook official.

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that's one way to crash a server

194 [+ / -]     Dec 04, 2007

    (Heard across the computer floor in the SLC)



    Girl: (yelling) Oh my God! My nipple is on Facebook!

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its important to think long-term

-53 [+ / -]     Jul 18, 2007

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the real fun hasn't even started

-54 [+ / -]     Jul 08, 2007

    Hungover guy: Last night was out of control!



    Hungover girl: Downtown was crazy!



    Together: I can't wait for the pictures to be tagged on Facebook!

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gentlemen, the ladies of mary lyndon need you

-12 [+ / -]     May 10, 2007

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he could be president someday

38 [+ / -]     Apr 20, 2007

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since when are they different?

121 [+ / -]     Apr 11, 2007

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you should try everything once (except that and country line dancing)

100 [+ / -]     Apr 11, 2007

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i guess he poked her one time too many

199 [+ / -]     Mar 29, 2007

    Girl: My man knows I'm pregnant, I just sent him a message over Facebook.

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what would jesus write on my wall?

80 [+ / -]     Feb 23, 2007

    Girl 1: I gave up Facebook for Lent.



    Girl 2: What?! You can't give up Facebook!

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someone needs to stop sleeping during sex

117 [+ / -]     Feb 21, 2007

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oia salutes uga vs ole miss

-24 [+ / -]     Sep 30, 2006

    Guy on cell: Dude, where are you? I'm beside the hedges.

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oia salutes uga vs colorado

4 [+ / -]     Sep 23, 2006

    Roommate 1: So she said her little sister facebooked Matt Stafford and asked him to her date night.



    Roommate 2: Who's Matt Stafford?

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6 of one, half dozen of the other

75 [+ / -]     Sep 10, 2006

    Girl: I have a question about the new facebook notices. If you are a guy and take off "is interested in women," does it say "X is no longer interested in women" or does it say "X has come out of the closet?"

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you cannot poke yourself

116 [+ / -]     Jul 03, 2006

    Girl 1: Athens is so slow in the summer.



    Girl 2: I know, I hate that no one is even around to stalk me on Facebook.

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why god gave us such a wonderful tool

17 [+ / -]     May 27, 2006

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not even tom wants to be her friend

38 [+ / -]     May 17, 2006

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can we work this out while i work this out?

292 [+ / -]     May 07, 2006

    Sorostitute on cell: Hey. Oh. You saw it? Baby... baby. BABY! Don't be a bastard. I just took it off Facebook. That's all. We can still be boyfriend and girlfriend. I just don't want my sorority sisters to know. Baaaaby. Baby don't be a jackass. Well, I have to shit. Bye.

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beastiality wasn't an option

46 [+ / -]     Apr 20, 2006

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stalkerish? no. pathetic? yes.

23 [+ / -]     Apr 06, 2006

    Girl: Every time a girl leaves something on his wall, I check Facebook to see if she's a slut. Is that stalkerish?

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