double science fail

Professor: Can anyone name a mammal that needs to hold its breath for a long time?



Student 1: A frog?



Professor: Um, no. Definitely not a frog.



Student 2: A manatee?



Professor: What's a manatee?

@ Life Sciences
Taken by: Grocery Bag Slave
Filed Under Dumbass | In class

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maybe you, but not the rest of us

Student 2: Yeah, we're eukaryotic. We're animals.



Student 1: And we're unicellular? Or maybe just two cells?' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Student 1: We're eukaryote, right?



Student 2: Yeah, we're eukaryotic. We're animals.



Student 1: And we're unicellular? Or maybe just two cells?

@ GSU Biology Lab
Taken by: Super Super Smart
Filed Under Dumbass

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automatic diarrhea for the people

Girl 1: I've never been there before. Isn't that a seafood restaurant?



Girl 2: No, that's Captain D's!



Girl 1: Oh yeah, you're right.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Girl 1: Where you want to go eat?



Girl 2: I don't know. Weaver D's?



Girl 1: I've never been there before. Isn't that a seafood restaurant?



Girl 2: No, that's Captain D's!



Girl 1: Oh yeah, you're right.

@ Stegman Coliseum
Taken by: Paula
Filed Under Dumbass

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how you know it's time to stop the olympics drinking game

Girl: (watching Olympics) Wait, what do they speak in Denmark?



Guy: German?



Girl: No, I don't think so. Spanish? No that doesn't make sense. French? No. Yeah, maybe German.

@ GaTech
Taken by: GaTechie
Filed Under Dumbass | GA Tech

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there's a second time for everything

Guy: Man, that river is going to get just as high as it was the last time it was this high.

@ GEOG / GEOL
Taken by: Trucker (132)
Filed Under Dumbass | One-liners

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they also said "gullible" isn't in the dictionary

Sorostitute 2: No, it's the same day every year.



Sorostitute 1: No it's not. Someone told me that it's like Christmas and is on a different day every year.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Sorostitute 1: Is Valentine's Day on the 17th this year?



Sorostitute 2: No, it's the same day every year.



Sorostitute 1: No it's not. Someone told me that it's like Christmas and is on a different day every year.

@ Kroge, East Side
Taken by: Kamila
Filed Under Dumbass

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obviously someone has never read the two towers

Student: A tree!' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
(In Marine Biology class)



Professor: Can anyone name an animal that can't move?



Student: A tree!

@ Instructional Plaza
Taken by: GADawg439 (30)
Filed Under Dumbass | In class

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yeah, go ahead and lick it

(Regarding the salt on the sidewalk)



Girl 1: Hey, what is that?



Girl 2: I dunno. It kinda looks like Dippin' Dots!

@ @ Tate Plaza
Taken by: Really?
Filed Under Dumbass | Tate

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it might be time to stop doing sudoku in class

Girl 1: (pronouncing slowly) Cy-pri-ot. Why do they make words so long?



Girl 2: I know, and in English, too!

@ north campus/old college
Taken by: innocent bystander
Filed Under Dumbass | North Campus

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where are those "i park like an asshole" bumper stickers when you need them?

This asshole took up two whole spaces to park their Expedition at Target.

@ Target
Taken by: Kathryn
Filed Under Dumbass

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i'll be the judge of that

Sorostitute 2: Yeah, she like a supreme court judge. No, wait, shes a probate court judge, but it's the same thing.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Sorostitute 1: Isn't your mom a judge?



Sorostitute 2: Yeah, she like a supreme court judge. No, wait, shes a probate court judge, but it's the same thing.

@ escort van
Taken by: driver
Filed Under Dumbass

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insert joke about cutting the cheese here

(After returning home from the grocery store)



Sorostitute 1: Where is the Velveta?



Sorostitute 2: Oh, that's why I was in the cheese isle.

@ Fiesta
Taken by: Ananomyous
Filed Under Dumbass

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maybe it's maxed out

Girl 2: (after an awkward silence) Seriously?' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Girl 1: I hate my phone. It's a piece of crap. Like, when I plug it in, it says "Cannot Charge." I don't even know what that means.



Girl 2: (after an awkward silence) Seriously?

@ North-South Bus
Taken by: justme
Filed Under Dumbass | The bus

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d-i-c-t-i-o-n-a-r-y d-o-t c-o-m

Freshman Girl: Thanks. I've never had to spell that word in my life. But I guess that's the kind of stuff journalism majors have to know, huh?' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Freshman Girl: (on laptop) How do you spell "caffeine?"



Freshman Guy: Hmm, I know this. Yeah, it's c-a-f-f-i-n-e.



Freshman Girl: Thanks. I've never had to spell that word in my life. But I guess that's the kind of stuff journalism majors have to know, huh?

@ ZBMLC Jittery Joe's
Taken by: Brent Spotswood
Filed Under Dumbass | SLC

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at least she'll get points for spelling her name right

Shawty 2: What's the GRE?



Shawty 1: Haha, I don't know! My mom told me to take it.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Shawty 1: Yeah gurl, I'm taking the GRE in the spring!



Shawty 2: What's the GRE?



Shawty 1: Haha, I don't know! My mom told me to take it.

@ ECV
Taken by: Jose
Filed Under Dumbass

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there should be an underage drinking handbook

Bimbo: What's a draft?



Bartender: Could I see your ID again?' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Bimbo: Do you guys have any drink specials?



Bartender: We've got dollar-off drafts.



Bimbo: What's a draft?



Bartender: Could I see your ID again?

@ RPM
Taken by: Nick
Filed Under Drinking | Dumbass

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parking is hard when you see two of everything

A neighbor missed the parking lot when attempting to park.

@ river club
Taken by: anonymous
Filed Under Dumbass

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looks like the parachute failed to deploy

Some people drive forward when they should really be reversing.

@ Pineview Townhomes
Taken by: Kaylee
Filed Under Dumbass

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intelligence should count in there somewhere

Professor: Moving on now. Quality of life, anyone?' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Professor: What defines quality of life? Happiness? Health? Money? Lack of acquired disease?



Sorostitute: Um, everyone knows that you can't acquire diseases, you are born with them.



Professor: Moving on now. Quality of life, anyone?

@ Showtime Bowling
Taken by: Kat (199)
Filed Under Dumbass | In class

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tire tracks on the north quad would look kinda tacky

Freshman Girl: God, I have to figure out this bus schedule. Why isn't there one that goes from Peabody to Park?1

@ O-House
Taken by: rly?
Filed Under The bus | One-liners | Dumbass

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round two: guess what city we're in!

Guy: We are at Target.



Girl: No, were at Wal-Mart!



Guy: Um, Look around. We are at Target.



(pause)



Girl: Shit!' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Girl: I don't like what this place has, we need to go to Target.



Guy: We are at Target.



Girl: No, were at Wal-Mart!



Guy: Um, Look around. We are at Target.



(pause)



Girl: Shit!

@ Athens, GA
Taken by: 2cents
Filed Under Dumbass

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theoretically yes, though it might be hard to keep kosher

Girl 2: Can you be gay and Jewish?' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Girl 1: I think he's Jewish... he has one of those hats on. I also think he's gay by the way he talks.



Girl 2: Can you be gay and Jewish?

@ Gilbert Hall
Taken by: Anon.
Filed Under Gay | Dumbass

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so is it chicken or fish?

Employee: No, I'm sorry, we don't.



Girl: (to friend) I can't believe they don't have any American cheese! Why wouldn't they have American cheese?



Customer in line: Because this is a Mexican restaurant?' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Girl: This was not what I wanted on my nachos. There are tomatoes on here. What kind of cheese is this?



Employee: We can take the tomatoes off, and the cheese is white cheddar.



Girl: Don't y'all have any American cheese?



Employee: No, I'm sorry, we don't.



Girl: (to friend) I can't believe they don't have any American cheese! Why wouldn't they have American cheese?



Customer in line: Because this is a Mexican restaurant?

@ Taco Stand
Taken by: CantHelpButLaugh (157)
Filed Under At work | Dumbass | Taco Stand

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@
Taken by:

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it's in the back next to the 2010 super bowl

Customer: I looked online and it said it comes out next month.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Customer: Do you have the live action version of "Blood, The Last Vampire?"



Clerk: I didn't know there was one. Is it new or old?



Customer: I looked online and it said it comes out next month.

@ Vision Video
Taken by: flickskinny
Caption by: cjc3552 (100)
Filed Under Dumbass | At work

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yes, i do work on commission. why do you ask?

Girl: Can you tell me the differences between the Dodge Ram 1500 and the Ford F-150?



Car Salesman: I don't know much about cars, just what's on the sticker.

@ Athens Dodge
Taken by: bumseeker
Filed Under At work | Dumbass

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her work keeps her from traveling... or reading... too much

Stripper: What do you do?



Horny guy: I travel a lot... heading to Vancouver next week.



Stripper: Vancouver?



Horny guy: Yeah, you know, British Columbia.



Stripper: Ooooh! South Carolina!



Horny guy: Yeah, Vancouver, South Carolina.

@ Toppers
Taken by: missing Athens
Filed Under Dumbass

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they aren't known for their self-esteem

Host: How many are in your party?



Sorostitute: (counts everyone) One, two, three, four, five... five.



Host: Did you count yourself?



Sorostitute: (counts again) One, two, three, four, five, six... six.

@ The Grill
Taken by: Ashley
Filed Under Dumbass | The Grill

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better safe than stupid

Sorostitute: I went the hospital last night.



Friend: Oh my God, why!?



Sorostitute: Well, at like 3:00 AM I ate a bunch of food and looked up diabetes on the Internet and I thought I had it, so I called an ambulance. But they said I'm good.

@ Mell
Taken by: Ho Runner
Caption by: thelazyone (40)
Filed Under Dorm life | Dumbass

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simpson?

Info lady: Who's the author?



Student: Homer...' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Student: Could you tell me how much Homer's Odyssey costs?



Info lady: Who's the author?



Student: Homer...

@ UGA Bookstore
Taken by: really?
Filed Under At work | Dumbass

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i wouldn't declare "mission accomplished" just yet

Guy 1: Dude, you said her name right the first time! It took me like four tries.



Guy 2: I'm a stickler for pronunciation. But that's only because I used to mispronunciate all the time.

@ Little Kings
Taken by: bit (105)
Filed Under Dumbass

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if walt disney can do it...

Girl 1: So, did you hear that they found a 40,000 year-old baby mammoth in ice?



Girl 2: No way! Was it still alive?



Girl 1: Seriously?

@ Milledge Ave. dog park
Taken by: anonymous
Filed Under Dumbass

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in a past life, maybe?

Drunk Girl: How old are you?



Bartender cleaning up her vomit: Twenty-six.



Drunk Girl: Have you ever been Twenty-four?

@ Whole Whole Theatre
Taken by: ew.
Filed Under Dumbass | Ew.

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so, none of the above

Drunk Girl: Um, can I like, get a taco please?



Cashier: Sure. What kind would you like? Steak, chicken, or chorizo?



Drunk Girl: Um, like, meat, I guess?



Cashier: Well, what kind of meat? Steak, chicken, or chorizo?



Drunk Girl: Um, you know, like that stuff that comes on tacos at Taco Bell?

@ Cali N Tito's
Taken by: Cali
Filed Under At work | Drinking | Dumbass

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i'll have a salt and pepper light

Fratty 2: Salt and pepper!' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Beer Tour Guide: Who can tell me three ingredients in beer?



Fratty 1: Alcohol!



Beer Tour Guide: No, that's actually a by-product.



Fratty 2: Salt and pepper!

@ Terrapin
Taken by: CantHelpButLaugh (157)
Filed Under Dumbass

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easy come, easy go

Freshman girl: You want to hear a really embarrassing story? At graduation, you know how you're supposed to throw your hat? I threw my diploma instead.

@ Near Soule
Taken by: doorholder (15)
Filed Under Dumbass | High School | One-liners

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understanding temperature is not one of them

Fratty 1: You never know man. Global warming does all kinds of crazy shit.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Fratty 1: All of this snow and shit better be gone when I get back from fucking spring break, man.



Fratty 2: It'll be over a week from now, so I'm pretty sure it'll all be gone.



Fratty 1: You never know man. Global warming does all kinds of crazy shit.

@ O'House
Taken by: Anonymous
Filed Under Dining hall | Dumbass

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even more common than you might think

I hope this happens at Tech too...

@ Bio lab
Taken by: seriously?
Filed Under Dumbass

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hope she scores a perfect 320%

Sorostitute: So our final for that class is gonna be eight questions, which scares me because that means each one is worth, like, 40% of the test.

@ Ramsey
Taken by: Anon.
Filed Under Dumbass | One-liners | Ramsey

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vendredi gras and ash saturday don't have the same ring

Guy: Lucky! Ugh! Why does it have to be on a Tuesday this year?' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
(After seeing girls dressed in green, yellow and purple pile into a taxi)



Girl: Looks like someone's going downtown to celebrate Mardi Gras.



Guy: Lucky! Ugh! Why does it have to be on a Tuesday this year?

@ East Campus
Taken by: MLE
Filed Under Dumbass

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kicker for the falcons, dumbass

Fratty 1: So I heard Michael Adams makes like $600,000.



Fratty 2: Who's Michael Adams?

@ SLC
Taken by: anon
Filed Under Dumbass

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funny, i don't remember voting for him

Sorostitute: Of the United States?



Guy: No.



Sorostitute: I mean, not the current President. You know what I mean.



Guy: No, that's the President of UGA.



Sorostitute: Oh, hah. Wait, we have a President of UGA?' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Sorostitute: Who is that guy?



Guy: Really? That's the President.



Sorostitute: Of the United States?



Guy: No.



Sorostitute: I mean, not the current President. You know what I mean.



Guy: No, that's the President of UGA.



Sorostitute: Oh, hah. Wait, we have a President of UGA?

@ SLC during tornado warning
Taken by: Lost for words
Filed Under Dumbass | SLC

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let's hope it wasn't an english assignment

Guy 2: Less speedier. I think that explains everything right there.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Guy 1: I'm not slow, I'm just less speedier than everybody else.



Guy 2: Less speedier. I think that explains everything right there.

@ Library
Taken by: bsm
Filed Under Dumbass

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can you repeat the question?

Sorostitute 1: So my Philosophy professor was telling my class about his professor in college making their final one question. So we asked what the question was and he said "Why?"



Sorostitute 2: That's so mean to not tell you the question.

@ North-South Bus
Taken by: the observer (60)
Filed Under The bus | Dumbass

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now if you'll excuse me, i'm off to math class

Girl: Oh my gosh, why are you coming to class 25 minutes early? You're such an overachiever, you bookworm!' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Guy: What time is it? I have to get to class.



Girl: 7:25.



Guy: Sweet! I'm five minutes early for being ten minutes early.



Girl: Oh my gosh, why are you coming to class 25 minutes early? You're such an overachiever, you bookworm!

@ East-West bus
Taken by: mentalmath
Filed Under Dumbass | The bus

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"hello? geico? i was wondering if i have the complete dumbass coverage on my policy..."

apparently she didn't notice that the driveway ended...

@ Windsor Place, Macon HWY
Taken by: dandan (30)
Filed Under Dumbass

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alaho!

Sign in the College Station Kroger, taken 2-12-09

@ Kroger Parking Lot
Taken by: J. Frick
Filed Under Dumbass

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when she stops lying, she can finally become a real blond

Girl 2: Yeah, my hair is naturally blond, but for some reason my roots come out brown.' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
(During a weight lifting class)



Girl 1: I want blonder hair. I think I'm going to get highlights.



Girl 2: Yeah, my hair is naturally blond, but for some reason my roots come out brown.

@ Ramsey
Taken by: anonymous
Filed Under Dumbass | Ramsey

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what does that say about kindergarten teachers?

Student 1: I just got my paper back, and the good thing about college is that the teachers, they have been through college.



Student 2: What do you mean?



Student 1: Well in high school my english teacher always tried to correct me, but what does she know? She never went to college.



Student 2: Why do you say that?



Student 1: Because she taught high school.

@ Woodruff Park
Taken by: Girl
Filed Under Dumbass

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she got it from a strange man on halloween

Girl 1: Oh, right! I guess that's why the candy is called Four Musketeers!



Guy: Uh, where do you buy your candy?' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
Girl 1: Wait, why are there four main characters in The Three Musketeers?



Girl 2: Because it's all about the wannabe guy, but he's not actually part of the three.



Girl 1: Oh, right! I guess that's why the candy is called Four Musketeers!



Guy: Uh, where do you buy your candy?

@ Movie Theater
Taken by: MLE
Filed Under Dumbass

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her MRS degree is a double major

Sorostitute 1: Oh, what, so you believe in more than one god?



Sorostitute 2: Yeah, I'm a polygamist!

@ Reed Hall
Taken by: anonymous
Caption by: McIcehouse (96)
Filed Under Dorm life | Dumbass

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don't forget to take wind resistance into account

Athlete 1: What is the size of Africa?



Athlete 2: It's 200,000 square miles per hour.

@ East Campus Express Bus
Taken by: Always amazed
Filed Under Dumbass | Wtf?

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as long as there is no grammar involved

Guy: Yeah, I always do good on standardized tests.

@ Geography/Geology Bus Stop
Taken by: Someone Who Isn't an English Major
Filed Under Dumbass | One-liners

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sure, just use twice as much

Sorostitute: Full cream? That's, like, half-and-half, right?' style='padding: none; margin: none;'>
(During a cooking demonstration)



Chef: And then you'll want to add one cup of full cream.



Sorostitute: Full cream? That's, like, half-and-half, right?

@ Earth Fare
Taken by: bit (105)
Filed Under Dumbass

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