Quotes Filed Under "Dorm life"


sucks for him

5 [+ / -]     Aug 31, 2010

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fucking finals

50 [+ / -]     May 03, 2010

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as in apple, or as in greek letter?

34 [+ / -]     Apr 15, 2010

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just don't get off on two

5 [+ / -]     Feb 16, 2010

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when she lent him a notebook in class he knew he had a shot

-30 [+ / -]     Jan 13, 2010

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at least he wasn't looking for the bathroom

16 [+ / -]     Jan 02, 2010

    (After bursting through the door of an occupied dorm room at 2 a.m.)



    Drunk Freshman: This isn't the stairs.

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broken defroster or lesbian walk of shame?

-25 [+ / -]     Jan 01, 2010

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one can dream

22 [+ / -]     Dec 18, 2009

    Guy 1: There was a guy on Nip/Tuck last night who had such a big dick, he could give himself blowjobs.



    (pause)



    Guy 2: Lucky.

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at least they weren't used

30 [+ / -]     Nov 15, 2009

    Fratty 1: So yeah, last night, I totally forgot to lock my door before I passed out.



    Fratty 2: Yeah, so?



    Fratty 1: Well, this morning I woke up with 8 opened condoms in my mouth.

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just don't ask him what he had to do for the A

-21 [+ / -]     Nov 13, 2009

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some people just can't recognize a good opportunity

22 [+ / -]     Oct 07, 2009

    Drunk guy: I just wanna stay in this room.



    Drunk girl: No, I really wanna fuck... and you are coming with me.

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is that french?

63 [+ / -]     Oct 05, 2009

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slippery when hammered

43 [+ / -]     Sep 26, 2009

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someone is giving the freshmen the wrong secret password

55 [+ / -]     Sep 03, 2009

    (A bus stops at Chemistry)



    Freshman Girl: Excuse me, where are you going?



    Bus Driver: Where do you need to go?



    Freshman Girl: Russell Hall.



    Bus Driver: Not there.



    (Driver closes the door in her face)

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rain rain, go away

-8 [+ / -]     Aug 30, 2009

    Guy 1: Last night was crazy.



    Guy 2: Really? Why, what happened?



    Guy 1: I came home last night, saw my roommate on the futon... so I unzipped and peed all over his head.

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she really has taken over the world

67 [+ / -]     Jun 03, 2009

    Oprah's face superimposed on Soulja Boy's body in Russell Hall.

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better safe than stupid

119 [+ / -]     May 05, 2009

    Sorostitute: I went the hospital last night.



    Friend: Oh my God, why!?



    Sorostitute: Well, at like 3:00 AM I ate a bunch of food and looked up diabetes on the Internet and I thought I had it, so I called an ambulance. But they said I'm good.

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performing in a circus tent or holding it up, but we're not sure which

-47 [+ / -]     Feb 09, 2009

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her MRS degree is a double major

95 [+ / -]     Feb 04, 2009

    Sorostitute 1: Oh, what, so you believe in more than one god?



    Sorostitute 2: Yeah, I'm a polygamist!

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he's the worst stalker ever

-57 [+ / -]     Dec 21, 2008

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yeah, with that girl over there

35 [+ / -]     Dec 15, 2008

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queue the porn music

33 [+ / -]     Dec 03, 2008

    (Two girls in different shower stalls talking)



    Girl 1: Are you still in the shower?



    Girl 2: Yeah.



    Girl 1: What are you doing in there?



    Girl 2: Just standing.



    Girl 1: Me too!

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don't get snippy with me, mon

175 [+ / -]     Nov 21, 2008

    Girl: So, are you going home to Jamaica over Christmas break?



    Jamaican Guy: No, my father and I are going to get naturalized next month!



    Girl: (cringing, looking at Jamaican Guy's crotch) Won't that... hurt?

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because i was wondering if you could give me his number

81 [+ / -]     Nov 18, 2008

    Sorostitute: (to roommate) So, you still dating that guy I hooked up with?

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everyone surrenders to passion

-56 [+ / -]     Nov 14, 2008

    Guy 1: Never ever ever have I masturbated.



    Guy 2: Dude, you're lying.

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with a side of tiger and bear. oh my.

68 [+ / -]     Nov 12, 2008

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this moment brought to you by tara reid

29 [+ / -]     Nov 09, 2008

    Sorostitute 1: Aw, sweetie your boob is showing.



    Sorostitute 2: Nuh-uh!



    (Sorostitute 2 looks down at exposed breast)



    Sorostitute 2: Ha, no way!

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only 15 in a school zone

-31 [+ / -]     Nov 08, 2008

    Girl: Hold on! Let me go get my goggles. I heard that cum comes out at 20 miles per hour.

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that's what you get for mouthing off

34 [+ / -]     Oct 26, 2008

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getting locked out of your dorm isn't all bad

99 [+ / -]     Oct 14, 2008

    (In Creswell hallway)



    Sorostitute: Wow! Cute dress! Where are you going?



    Girl: Um, this is a towel wrap.

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sticking her in that home had nothing to do with it

7 [+ / -]     Sep 26, 2008

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what a short trip! these buses rock!

126 [+ / -]     Aug 21, 2008

    Freshman: Does this go to Russell Hall?



    Bus Driver: Yup, and you're here! (closes doors)

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the other half of him is in the next dryer

22 [+ / -]     Jul 10, 2008

    My friend in the a dryer at Russell... just to see if he could.

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those newfangled mind reading elevators are much cooler

78 [+ / -]     Jun 10, 2008

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not the sort of thing most people would admit to

3 [+ / -]     May 17, 2008

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damn it feels good to be a gangster

43 [+ / -]     May 13, 2008

    This is what happens to printers that stop working when I have to print an important paper.

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proof that our ancestors flung poo

27 [+ / -]     May 12, 2008

    Wondering what to do with that loft now that you're moving out of the dorm? How about a trebuchet?

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and where the hell did i put that map?

35 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

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half way done

59 [+ / -]     May 07, 2008

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and this year's miss congeniality is...

71 [+ / -]     Apr 30, 2008

    Girl 1: (to Girl 2) Please don't cry. You are already ugly when you aren't crying.

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when done right no can defend

-22 [+ / -]     Apr 28, 2008

    Drunken karate chop / kick!!

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"...you're sure we're going to a costume party, right guys?"

38 [+ / -]     Apr 28, 2008

    Proof that an honors magnet dorm is intended to keep them from the general public.

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i'm so glad we decided to go to peer counseling!

111 [+ / -]     Apr 22, 2008

    Girl 1: Why do guys only ever want to be my friend?



    Girl 2: Well, guys only ever want to hook up with me and then never have anything more.



    Girl 3: You should put out more, you should put out less. Problem solved.

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although it might not be the primary cause

111 [+ / -]     Apr 10, 2008

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if by cooler you mean "like you have a speech impediment"

-77 [+ / -]     Apr 07, 2008

    Freshman Girl 1: So, do you guys want to go kick it at Bourb tonight?



    Freshman Girl 2: Bourb? As is Bourbon Street?



    Freshman Girl 1: Yeah. It sounds cooler when you call it Bourb.

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it must be hard studying geography when you're from another planet

76 [+ / -]     Apr 07, 2008

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and jill came tumbling after

86 [+ / -]     Apr 01, 2008

    Girl 1: Why does water run downhill?



    Girl 2: Gravity.



    Girl 1: Yeah, but there's gravity at the top of the hill too, isn't there?

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must be why you never see sorority girls wearing helmets

183 [+ / -]     Mar 28, 2008

    Girl 1: Man I wish I had boobs, this is pathetic.



    Girl 2: Well, if you started wearing a bra it could help.



    Girl 1: Would a child with no feet wear shoes? I don't think so.

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imagine the odds

-99 [+ / -]     Mar 27, 2008

    Drunk Fratty 1: Where do you live?



    Sorostitute: I live in Brumby.



    Drunk Fratty 2: Hey! I know somebody that lives in Brumby!

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a new definition of peer review

-23 [+ / -]     Mar 26, 2008

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sure as hell beats the muzak

216 [+ / -]     Mar 25, 2008

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we're sure he's the first to think of this one

-27 [+ / -]     Feb 29, 2008

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"...if only i could get out of this elevator with the doors still closed"

118 [+ / -]     Feb 25, 2008

    (On an elevator with three other people)



    Dude 1: So, you remember that girl Julie from the other night?



    Dude 2: Yeah.



    Dude 1: We were in my room and she started pulling down my zipper, and then it got stuck.



    Dude 2: (whispers) Dude, can you wait five minutes?



    Dude 1: Talk about the biggest cock block ever. I had to squeeze out of my pants with the zipper still up.

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that's about as funny as a razor to the nads

-11 [+ / -]     Feb 22, 2008

    Dude 1: So man, I went to Target today and got the new Mach razor.



    Dude 2: Cool.



    Dude 1: Ya know, the Mach 3. I tried it out on my balls... really smooth.

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divorce is just one small step for man

74 [+ / -]     Feb 12, 2008

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"...some guy named wikipedia"

96 [+ / -]     Dec 02, 2007

    Girl 1: What are you working on?



    Girl 2: A bibliography.



    Girl 1: Oh, really? On who?

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good luck facebooking that one

172 [+ / -]     Nov 19, 2007

    Fratty: Where were you? We lost you last night.



    Sorostitute: Yeah, sorry, I ended up shacking with this guy named Reed.



    Fratty: Well where were you?



    Sorostitute: I don't know, all I know is that his name is Reed Hall.

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how many points do you get for a boyfriend?

-16 [+ / -]     Oct 19, 2007

    Sober girl: Oh my God, you almost killed your boyfriend!



    Tipsy girl: Hey! It was my car that hit him!



    Sober girl: But you were driving it!

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better try the pony express

100 [+ / -]     Oct 18, 2007

    Guy 1: Hey! Dan left his phone in my room!



    Guy 2: Should we call him and tell him?

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remember molly, drugs are bad

131 [+ / -]     Oct 09, 2007

    Girl 1: Oh my god, are there two of you?!



    Girl 2: Huh?



    Girl 1: Do you have a twin?



    Girl 2: What are you talking about?



    Girl 1: I just saw a girl that looked just like you, but she was wearing something different.



    Girl 2: Molly, I changed clothes!

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fire the math tutor

34 [+ / -]     Oct 03, 2007

    Guy: Wow, that was a great 86 yard run.



    Girl: 86 yards, how many miles is that?

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why not just go in reverse to get them off?

120 [+ / -]     Sep 30, 2007

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sit down, this could take a while

77 [+ / -]     Aug 09, 2007

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one means significantly less dates

-44 [+ / -]     Jun 14, 2007

    (Two guys throwing a baseball)



    Guy 1: I was thinking man, maybe we should switch to a softball.



    Guy 2: What's the difference?

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its cured by pregnancy... hop to it.

74 [+ / -]     Jun 01, 2007

    Girl on cell: Ohmigod, you have Chlamydia?! Wait, that is one you can cure with medicine right? Oh, then no big deal.

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seriously, in the pejorative.

-16 [+ / -]     May 31, 2007

    Guy: (running towards bathroom) My ass is about to explode!



    Passerby: Gay!

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gentlemen, the ladies of mary lyndon need you

-12 [+ / -]     May 10, 2007

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when they couldn't find it, they followed the path of the underground railroad

73 [+ / -]     Apr 30, 2007

    Sorostitute: Is that the North Star?



    Fratty: Yeah, I think so.



    Sorostitute: Oh my god, how did the slaves follow that to freedom?

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jesus was an alchy too!

-30 [+ / -]     Apr 29, 2007

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yes, inhabited primarily by playboy playmates

-87 [+ / -]     Apr 23, 2007

    (Two sorostitutes walking up stairs in Creswell)



    Sorostitute 1: Whats the penthouse?



    Sorostitute 2: What?



    Sorostitute 1: The sign says basement to penthouse...



    Sorostitute 2: Oh, thats like the top I think



    Sorostitute 1: Is there anything even up there?



    Sorostitute 2: Well yeah, the top.



    Sorostitute 1: Well duh! I know what the word is! But are there rooms?

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she was a polished rock in a past life

9 [+ / -]     Apr 22, 2007

    Sorostitute 1: I feel really clean today!



    Sorostitute 2: Why?



    Sorostitute 1: I was completely wasted when I got in last night, but I just had to take a shower! I fell asleep, and when I woke up this morning, the water was still running!

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there's no place like home, there's no place like home

87 [+ / -]     Apr 20, 2007

    Guy 1: Dude, why are you wearing pink princess slippers??



    Guy 2: My feet were cold.

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in addition, he clearly has some self esteem issues

91 [+ / -]     Apr 15, 2007

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i bet she keeps her salt and sugar in the same jar, too

12 [+ / -]     Mar 10, 2007

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if i'd a known it was gonna be that kinda party, i'd stuck my ballot it in the mashed potatoes

83 [+ / -]     Mar 08, 2007

    Student 1: So SGA is discussing banning parties tonight, do you want to go?



    Student 2: How can they ban parties? If I want to throw a big...



    Student 1: Not that kind of party.

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something tells me this wasn't in the dr. spock parenting book

1197 [+ / -]     Mar 01, 2007

    Girl on cell: I don't see sleeping with her boyfriend as a bad thing. He said he didn't even like her anyways, so whatever, let people call me a slut. Ok mom, I love you too.

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evac! evac!

22 [+ / -]     Mar 01, 2007

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well, it is public education after all

16 [+ / -]     Feb 23, 2007

    Art History Professor: So the Parthenon was built in Athens, Greece on the Acropolis. The Acropolis is the highest point, and the Parthenon was built there to glorify Athens. What do you think is the Parthenon of our Athens? The SLC, maybe?



    Student: Brumby!

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then she flushed him down the toilet

56 [+ / -]     Oct 20, 2006

    Girl on cell: (discussing recent breakup) It feels like my goldfish just died, like I don't really care.

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i hear thats a good vintage

67 [+ / -]     Apr 09, 2006

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i always hated logic puzzles

649 [+ / -]     Mar 09, 2006

    Girl on phone: Mommy, my nose is pierced, I'm marrying a girl, I'm in love with a gay boy, and I'm pregnant. One of these is false. Goodbye.

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that's debatable

110 [+ / -]     Feb 27, 2006

    Brit on cell: You just have to avoid the fraternity guys and you're fine. Oh yeah, and the rednecks. They're real, you know.

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