Quotes Filed Under "At work"


it's good to have a talent

10 [+ / -]     Aug 15, 2010

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eau de toilette

3 [+ / -]     Aug 02, 2010

    (Two guys are standing at the urinals)



    Guy 1: What is that smell?



    Guy 2: Cocoa butter.



    Guy 1: Nice.

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so, sometime between rush and rehab

31 [+ / -]     Jul 26, 2010

    Employee: So, when does school start?



    Sorostitute: Oh, I don't know when school starts. But I know when Rush starts!

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automatic for the people

38 [+ / -]     Jun 09, 2010

    (Girl spills her drink all over the table and screams)



    Dexter Weaver: (from the back) Did it get on your plate?



    Girl: Nope.



    Dexter Weaver: Ok, good. Next!

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the stoned customer is always right

24 [+ / -]     Jun 04, 2010

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eat fresh, wipe clean

29 [+ / -]     May 07, 2010

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home of the five dollar foot-long

37 [+ / -]     Apr 28, 2010

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does it change to "dranked" when it's empty?

1 [+ / -]     Apr 19, 2010

    A bottle of Drank spotted in the kitchen at Trappeze.

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that explains those nasty IRS letters

32 [+ / -]     Apr 08, 2010

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sounds like a thriller night

-3 [+ / -]     Feb 18, 2010

    Older Janitor: I'm gonna go home, put a big ol' bag of ice in the bathtub, sit my ass down, and listen to Michael Jackson. Damn!

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the customer is always right

9 [+ / -]     Feb 08, 2010

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isn't this how porn starts?

-26 [+ / -]     Jan 19, 2010

    Cashier: Does anyone need anything else to drink over here?



    Girl: Can I get some more Cherry Coke?



    Cashier: Sure, I just need you to take off your top. Thanks!

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so is it chicken or fish?

19 [+ / -]     Jul 22, 2009

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ufo sightings?

16 [+ / -]     Jul 07, 2009

    Register Girl 1: So how about you? Anywhere weird?



    Register Girl 2: Yeah, one time in the car outside Gresham's Disco.

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it's in the back next to the 2010 super bowl

16 [+ / -]     Jul 02, 2009

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yes, i do work on commission. why do you ask?

29 [+ / -]     Jun 30, 2009

    Girl: Can you tell me the differences between the Dodge Ram 1500 and the Ford F-150?



    Car Salesman: I don't know much about cars, just what's on the sticker.

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they decided to stop celebrating mardi gras after that

126 [+ / -]     May 17, 2009

    Customer: Can I have a refill on my Dr. Pepper?



    Cashier: Sure! Take your top off.



    (Customer stares)

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can i get that with an extra shot of "oh no she didn't!"

109 [+ / -]     May 08, 2009

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simpson?

71 [+ / -]     May 01, 2009

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so, none of the above

8 [+ / -]     Mar 24, 2009

    Drunk Girl: Um, can I like, get a taco please?



    Cashier: Sure. What kind would you like? Steak, chicken, or chorizo?



    Drunk Girl: Um, like, meat, I guess?



    Cashier: Well, what kind of meat? Steak, chicken, or chorizo?



    Drunk Girl: Um, you know, like that stuff that comes on tacos at Taco Bell?

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who loves the 1970s? we do!

36 [+ / -]     Mar 07, 2009

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extra tender, juicy toes

16 [+ / -]     Mar 05, 2009

    Pregnant technician: (looking at a pregnancy pamphlet) Okay, when it says "chicken is a good source of protein," do they mean fried chicken?



    Pharmacist: Only if you want your baby to have extra toes.

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they're clearly from another planet, so the answer could be anything

-41 [+ / -]     Feb 23, 2009

    Technician 1: How many toes are you supposed to have?



    Technician 2: Uh... seriously?



    Technician 1: Yes seriously, I haven't counted lately!

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speed dating is a growing trend in college towns

-46 [+ / -]     Feb 13, 2009

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sure, pull-ups, that's what they were gonna try

10 [+ / -]     Feb 11, 2009

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please stand behind the yellow line and keep everything in your pants

341 [+ / -]     Jan 18, 2009

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some people just need the right motivation

58 [+ / -]     Jan 06, 2009

    the standard employee bathroom sign edited for the greater good.

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stop, drop, and roll in the hay

-10 [+ / -]     Jan 04, 2009

    Kind of hard to see, but the guy is smoking and spreading hay.

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so did we

74 [+ / -]     Dec 30, 2008

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one of uga's lesser known pass / fail courses

69 [+ / -]     Dec 10, 2008

    (Two passengers are made to walk from the back door to the front door)



    Bus Driver: Sorry, I just had to check your sketch factor.

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there's no place like home

-12 [+ / -]     Nov 23, 2008

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what happens when the change is $4.20?

12 [+ / -]     Nov 19, 2008

    Redneck Clerk: $17.92 is your total. In 1792, Columbus sailed the ocean blue!

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this is why god gave us ebay

215 [+ / -]     Nov 10, 2008

    Cashier: (on phone) Yeah, uh huh... sure, sure. Let me place you on hold for just a second, sir, while I go look.



    (presses button on phone)



    Cashier: (screaming) Hey! This perv wants to know if we have any inflatable male sex dolls! Do we?



    Guy on Phone: Um, you put me on speaker phone, not hold. (click)

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this is not a test... i repeat, this is not a test

70 [+ / -]     Nov 07, 2008

    WatchDawgs guy fielding a call: I'm not a recording... really... you can talk directly to me.

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at least they don't have a "try before you buy" option

-96 [+ / -]     Nov 07, 2008

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whatever happened to the polite "no"?

162 [+ / -]     Nov 06, 2008

    Girl (to Bus Driver): Can you hold the bus for 30 seconds? My friend is on her way.



    Bus Driver: She the one walking way back there?



    Girl: Yeah!



    (Bus Driver closes door)

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c'mon, he was just trying to help

34 [+ / -]     Nov 04, 2008

    Really Drunk Guy: (after throwing up on the patio, watching as the bouncer cleans up the mess) Hey you. "Staff," you missed a spot.



    Bouncer: Yeah, and you're outta here.

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coffee might not be the only thing he puts in her cup

-2 [+ / -]     Oct 31, 2008

    Sorostitute: So does the french roast, like, have coffee in it?



    Barista: Uh... yeah.

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"...they just kept falling out of my pocket"

-23 [+ / -]     Oct 29, 2008

    Drunk Guy: Hey I need help. I lost my car keys.



    Bus Driver: Did you lose them on this bus?



    Drunk Guy: I think they are up my ass.



    Bus Driver: The police officer over there can help you!

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it's no longer hot corner. take it back to the mother ship.

-43 [+ / -]     Oct 21, 2008

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you have an urgent message from I. P. Freely

78 [+ / -]     Oct 11, 2008

    (Overheard on the intercom at a local high school)



    Secretary: Please excuse the interruption, but would Tess Stickle report to the main office.

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lately he just asks for the usual

249 [+ / -]     Oct 06, 2008

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thanks, now i'm gonna be analyzing this all night

-14 [+ / -]     Oct 05, 2008

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"she" just loves keeping up with traffic news

14 [+ / -]     Oct 04, 2008

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and someone just wanted an excuse to make that euphemism

123 [+ / -]     Oct 01, 2008

    Barberitos worker: (smearing sour cream on a taco) Let me smooth it out for you.



    Flirtacious woman: You just wanted an excuse to put your finger in my taco.

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i'm sure someone could find you a pencil sharpener

6 [+ / -]     Sep 22, 2008

    (Outside Starbucks, trying to register voters)



    Registration guy: The next time somebody walks past us, I'm going to stick a pencil up their ass.

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that's really a size 6 in men's

94 [+ / -]     Sep 18, 2008

    Girl: How long is a foot long?



    Employee: Seriously?



    Girl: Whatever. Size 7 and a half, please.

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welcome to athens, home of the disgruntled food-service employee

107 [+ / -]     Sep 14, 2008

    Girl: Hey I know you... you clean dishes, right?



    Dishwasher: Yeah.



    Girl: (very impressed with herself) Ha! I knew it. You were cleaning dishes when I was here last night.



    Dishwasher: Yeah... It's called a job. You should try it sometime.

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it doesn't count just because your jeep is green

-9 [+ / -]     Sep 14, 2008

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there's nothing better than a bus with it's own full bar

108 [+ / -]     Sep 12, 2008

    Passenger: Want a beer?



    Driver: No thanks.



    Passenger: Shot of something?



    Driver: I am driving a 40,000 pound bus, no thanks.

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"...and while i'm here, can i check my oasis on your computer?"

108 [+ / -]     Sep 06, 2008

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so we have these things called concerts...

-2 [+ / -]     Aug 30, 2008

    Sound guy 1: Why does it seem so loud in here?



    Sound guy 2: Because it is loud in here.

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as well as what he didn't do

26 [+ / -]     Aug 12, 2008

    Box Office Guy: (to manager) That guy in the wheelchair just went in the bathroom that only has urinals. For the rest of my life I will wonder what he did in there.

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productive and cathartic... what more can you ask for?

132 [+ / -]     Aug 02, 2008

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i think the headphones are a little too tight

-3 [+ / -]     Jul 29, 2008

    Large Bearded Man: If I stay in here too much longer, I'm not going to have enough money to strangle any more horses.

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#5   giving new meaning to the word whopper

111 [+ / -]     Jul 28, 2008

    The BK sign at 5:30 in the morning... it was changed later in the afternoon.

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no, but i figured it was worth a shot

95 [+ / -]     Jul 09, 2008

    Guy: Can I get my paycheck, please?



    Woman: Do you work here?

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don't forget to get a protective case

2 [+ / -]     Jun 21, 2008

    Customer: Do you know where a Mac store is?



    Sales Associate: Yeah, I think there is one at Northpoint Mall. Why? Are you thinking about buying a computer?



    Customer: No... I need to buy some lip gloss.

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time in a bottle

75 [+ / -]     Jun 12, 2008

    Drunk Girl: Yay, I got a cherry!



    Drunk Guy: Bring back memories?



    Drunk Girl: Not really that was a long time ago.



    Bartender: Well at least she's honest.

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it's always good to diversify your client base

38 [+ / -]     May 23, 2008

    Cashier: (on phone) Why yes, we do have pink chiffon for homosexuals!

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a message everyone should hear, brother

55 [+ / -]     May 20, 2008

    Co-worker: Why do I smoke cigarettes? I have to be a role model to the kids to let them know that they too can be a 24-year-old waiter in a struggling rock band.

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$5 footlong, anyone?

-47 [+ / -]     May 15, 2008

    Employee 1: My hair got stuck in my tongue ring last night. It hurt.



    Employee 2: What the hell were you doing last night that got your hair in your mouth?



    Employee 2: Not just last night, I was doing it 'till 5:30 AM!

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nurse strangled with stethoscope, story at 11:00

101 [+ / -]     May 14, 2008

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"...i'll also need some lysol and a copy of playboy"

52 [+ / -]     May 05, 2008

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good thing we just bought lolstraws.com

33 [+ / -]     May 04, 2008

    I guess the Choochoo employees just needed something to get excited over.

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but considerably less good than it would without them

56 [+ / -]     Apr 28, 2008

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ask dwight

39 [+ / -]     Apr 26, 2008

    Boss: Okay, so we have decided to take you all out for lunch for Administrative Professionals Day!



    Administrative Professional: Oh great! Where are we going?



    Boss: Well, you have to find someone to cover the office first.

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"...it's not my fault, i can't see anything without my glasses"

95 [+ / -]     Apr 25, 2008

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i'd shake your hand, but...

47 [+ / -]     Apr 25, 2008

    Stagehand: Between my television shows and all the Internet porn out there, it's really tough to get anything done during the day.

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introducing the new dumbass diet

-57 [+ / -]     Apr 22, 2008

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yeah, her eyes... let's go with that

56 [+ / -]     Apr 18, 2008

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this might be the next tom cruise movie

157 [+ / -]     Apr 17, 2008

    Ice Cream Guy: Do you want the cone or the show?



    Girl: The show!



    (Ice Cream Guy scoops ice cream, throws it ten feet in the air, catches it perfectly in cone, and hands it to her)



    Girl: God, I love college!

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money for nothin', cable for free

25 [+ / -]     Apr 15, 2008

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talk about drinking responsibly

43 [+ / -]     Apr 14, 2008

    UPS Guy: I thought you were supposed to finish this shit last Friday!



    Painter Guy: I was, but I started drinking at eleven thirty and it's never good to come into work drunk.

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ask a stupid question...

992 [+ / -]     Mar 27, 2008

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